How cute are my pj's? 

My new friend Lilly 

Ready for Christmas 

I met Lilly today. It was funny but seeing Cate as a mom made it even more real to me that I am a mother. This isn't a phase, it isn't something that will ever change. I am and now always will be a mom. That is such a strange concept for me. I am not sure that I ever really truly believed that I would be a mom. I am enjoying it but it sure does play with one's mind. Especially since I used to be such a commitment phobe. I still remember how Dan Taylor and I used to joke that we would end up together because our first marriages would fail and we would end up growing old together. I know that was such a cynical view to have and I honestly don't know why I used to feel that way. My parents never divorced. I knew very few parents who did and I don't plan on ever doing it either now that I am married. I guess there was a time I thought it was romantic.

Yes, today was the first time the four of us were together (Cate, Peter, Adria and me) with Lilly and Abbi. It truly does mark a new era. Getting married is one thing but kids and babies are a whole different ball game.

Abbi is doing really well. She is sitting on her own and is eating solids like crazy. She has had an ear infection but other then that she is great. It is getting to be more fun and the mystery of each day is beginning to grow on me. Sometimes it still gets to me but on the whole I think I am easing into it more and more...

growing up

I thought I would write some thoughts on the end of breastfeeding. It seems as though my body has decided that the end is here. I am sad because I didn't want to stop just yet but a number of events have led to this. In some strange way I feel like a failure but I also know that rationally, Abbi had a good run at it and she was able to get the benefits that breastfeeding offers. If we have another baby I will try to nurse a little while longer but if they like sleeping at night as much as Abbi does then I might have the same issue.

Why do I have all of these emotions around BF? I know it is normal to feel this way but it doesn't change things...It is strange because when I started breastfeeding I wasn't sure I wanted to continue because of all the troubles but you soon forget that and only remember the calm and quiet times. I know...we can still have those times but it is just different.

a little sad tonight.

better days

I have had better days and I have had worse days. Today was somewhere in the middle. Abbi isn't feeling well and she slept quite a bit today but when she was awake she was a little off. Plus because I know she isn't feeling great, I tend to think about her more and worry about her a little bit. Steve had an audit today and it started out the day on a sour note when he came home and realized he brought the bar keys home with him. Then the audit didn't go well and he started getting upset at the computer and the numbers etc...

We then got under each other's skin for the rest of the day it seemed. I imagine this whole week will be a bit like that. Steve works a lot, he has a driving test tomorrow, Joan is here and I have to pick her up from the farm Wednesday and take her to the airport early early on Thursday...oh, well.

It hasn't been a horrible day, just not a great one. On the whole though I think I am dealing with Abbi better.

Who needs toys when you have buckets on your head? 

I wonder when my next meal will be? 

baptism 

baptism

Today was Abbi's baptism. It went well and she was a doll but man am I glad it is over. I haven't been sleeping well for a week just because I have been thinking about it. I think part of it is fear of being judged by my family for the church I choose to attend. And part of it is getting worked up about having company over. I worry that not everyone will be taken care of and I can't help out as much because of Abbi. I have hostess fear. Strange. It stems from the service industry when serving is your job and you are responsible for taking care of everything but when I entertain at home I treat it as if I am a server, instead of relaxing and letting people help themselves etc...

Joan is here. It is nice to see her. She stayed with us last night and will again on Wednesday before heading back to Calgary. She is at the farm with my parents tonight, tomorrow and Tuesday night.

I am sure she will be great company for mom. Mom did really well today. She looked great and enjoyed seeing Abbi all dressed up in her gown. I think I am going to get a portrait done of Abbi in her gown. I have an appointment for her on Dec. 9th.

Can't wait to get some sleep tonight - I hope I sleep soundly although Abbi has a cold.

It is Thursday night and I haven't had a melt down this week. Must be a turning point. Let's hope so! Abbi is doing so well and I have actually had two chances to get out of the house alone this week. Monday I went shopping and to a meeting and yesterday Adria and I went to a movie together. I think that is a first in a very long time!

I feel human again and like an individual (not just mom, wife, pair of boobs etc...). Joan is coming this Saturday for almost a week to visit mom. Of course she wants to meet the babe too. I am picking her up on Saturday. Abbi's baptism is on Sunday and then Joan returns to Calgary on Thursday.

Mom is doing quite well. She went wig shopping today. She has been shopping up a storm getting new outfits, boots, winter jacket etc.. She deserves it. I look forward to seeing her at the christening. She is really excited to see Abbi in her dress. Me too. She will be cute - I will post a photo or two. We are having about 24 people here for lunch after.

Chow.

Mom and babe 

First Food 

First Halloween 

slowing down

I have been slowing down about posting because I have been getting out more. This week was actually fairly busy. Halloween was Monday, Tuesday can't remember what happened, Wednesday Abbi and I went to the library for books for babies and I had Bree over for nearly 5 hours. Friday I went to Waterloo to see Julie's new house.

Abbi started solid food this week too! It has been an adventure so far but she is doing really well. She has had rice cereal and parsnips. She is becoming more active and more vocal with each passing day. I think she will likely be rolling over within the next couple of weeks from her back to her front. She is already sitting up. She has that look in her eye like she wants to start moving. Abbi has been waking up again a few nights this week. Hopefully I can get her back on track soon.

Steve and I got to go out last night because Adria and Dan offered to watch Abbi. We had a really nice time. We went out for a beer and some apps at the Keg. Monday I am going to go out for the whole afternoon by myself. Steve and Abbi are going to spend some quality time together. Should be interesting for us both. He is also going to watch her on Wednesday night so Adria and I can go to a movie. Will be nice to get a bit of a break this week.

Mom and Dad were in town today and stopped by. Mom is doing a lot better and has been out shopping up a storm. She is really looking forward to the baptism.
Well should run. I have some reading to do.