What a week

A lot of tears this week. The H1N1 flu has been spreading like wildfire here. On Monday Lucas woke up crying and had thrown up in his bed. He had a low grade fever. Monday night it spiked to over 103 and I tried taking him to two clinics but the waits were more than 2.5 hours long. Tuesday morning his fever was 104 and I took him to emerg. We were there four hours. We tried to get him to pee into a bag to check for a UTI but that didn't work. Gary was working and ordered a chest x-ray. It came back with mild pneumonia. We left after a 4 hour visit with prescriptions for Tamiflu and Amoxicillin. While at the hospital, I found out that a board had fallen on the kitten and Steve was concerned it wasn't going to make it. He had to ask a neighbour to drive him and the cat to the Kitty Hospital!

Once home, Steve went to get the medicine for Lucas. On his way home he had to stop at the scene of an accident and help a woman who was having chest pain. Not sure if she was having a heart attack, he called 911.

Lucas didn't sleep the next two nights. His fever was very high and he was miserable! Abby and I went to St. Mary's to get the flu shot which worked out great. The next day though she started having a low grade fever and today her fever shot up to over 103. I went to emerg with her this morning at 4am and she was also diagnosed with this nasty bug. More Tamiflu! Between Tylenol, Advil, Tamiflu and amoxicillin our kitchen looks like a pharmacy!

The kitty is now home but needs a lot of rest. It is in our bedroom sleeping. We have to feed him by hand and help him out. He survived, but we have no idea what long term damage there might be.

Through all the challenges this week there was one major common thread. I miss my mom! When things are really tough (like on Tuesday), I can't help but feel an incredible void because I can't share the load with her. I know she "taught" me well and I am a strong woman because of her teachings but sometimes a person needs their mom.

I love you mom and miss you so much.

Dream

The other night I camped outside with Abbi in the tent. It was her first time sleeping outside in a tent. It went better than I thought it would. What was interesting for me was the amount of dreams I had that night. I didn't sleep well but I found myself having constant dreams...One dream was a magical play time with my mom. I don't know how old I was in the dream but I remember actually playing and running around with my mom. (I have very few memories of physical play with my mom) She was chasing me and playing tag. At one point she caught me and I got a big hug and kiss from her. It was awesome to feel her arms around me and taste her kiss.

Wednesday is Abbi's first day of school. My mom would be excited to share this rite of passage with her. I can't believe it has been 3 years!

Sending kisses to the clouds.

Pure Joy

675A0240, originally uploaded by Duncan x 4.

Funny Girl

675A0242, originally uploaded by Duncan x 4.

sibling love

675A0249, originally uploaded by Duncan x 4.

Motherless moms group

Again so much time has passed. I really don't have much time for writing at all these days. I wanted to mention that I started a group for motherless moms though and have met with them twice. I wish I could do more with the group but it is tough not knowing what everyone needs. It will be 3 years in a couple of weeks since mom passed away. It seems like a lifetime has happened since then. Abbi has grown up so much and Lucas has come along and is quickly growing as well.

Mom I know you are proud of me and are watching over us. I know life wasn't always easy for you and I am really starting to see how challenging life really is. It is incredibly fulfilling and complex but challenging none the less.

I don't regret my decision to have kids but I totally understand why you joked that you should have stuck with puppies! Kids are beyond taxing. I feel like I have gained so much insight into you and I feel even more alike because I seem to share similar views on a lot of issues. Especially in the area of children!

I love you mom and I hope you know that I look forward to the day when we will meet and laugh together again.

Update

I can't believe I haven't written since September. I am returning to work in 6 weeks! I had a tough fall and was diagnosed with PPD just days after my last post. It was a roller coaster ride until deciding to try some medication. Things are a lot better now.

Lucas is crawling like crazy. He is a charming kid.