Over a year

Everyone said things get easier after a year...there are no firsts after a year etc. But that isn't true. There are still going to be firsts. Not holidays and such but there will be times when my world will shake and I will want my mom. I found out yesterday that I am pregnant. A shock to say the least but also a time when I want to call or see my mom and talk to her about it. I know she knows but still it isn't the same not sharing the news face to face. Voice to voice. It also makes me sad to think that she won't be there to welcome the new baby into the family, spoil it, camp out with me at the hospital, she won't be able to stay with me after and cook or clean or just sit and be with me.

When Abbi is my age it is likely that many friends will have already lost a parent or parents because the average age of first time parents has greatly increased. I wonder how her generation will deal with that. I still really struggle with the thought of her not really knowing her grandparents except for my dad. My grandparents hold such a vivid memory for me and I try to imagine life without them....

I really wish my mom were around to see Abbi these days. I know she would get so much enjoyment out of her. I still look at her sometimes and see my mom in her eyes. It is creepy but comforting.