Emotional day

So today has been an emotional one...I think partly because it is Sunday and partly because Steve works on Sunday afternoon's. I am alone for a good part of the afternoon and evening with Abbi; leaving me time to think. Something I don't have a lot of time for right now. Tonight I kept looking at Abbi and thinking how much I loved her. I was thinking how difficult it must be to say goodbye to your children because you love them soooo much! I sometimes look into Abbi's eyes and it is as if I am my mom, looking into my eyes. It is such an uncanny experience.

I was also thinking tonight that I loved hearing all the stories about mom when she was in the hospital. Stories about how she used to get Heather to rub her back or spell letters on her back etc... because she loved to get her back rubbed. Or how she and dad set up a booth at the Kitchener Farmer's market when Greg and Jane were little and they sold donuts to make some extra money....I miss her so much! I wish I could call and just hear her voice.

This weekend I have started to see a shift again in Abbi's actions and I keep thinking how mom would so love to play with her right now. She is such a character and she is really exploring a lot right now. My mom loved this age.

Thanksgiving

So the first family holiday without my mom has passed...it was hard but not as hard as expected. Do I miss her? Everyday without a doubt but I have a feeling that my faith changes how I feel about her passing. Dad shed a few tears at dinner on Sunday and I think he was feeling kind of sad but overall, it was just nice to have the family together. I know intellectually that she didn't want to live if she was going to be in pain and not be able to enjoy life. I saw her suffer for the last year and she wasn't able to be the person that she wanted to be. Knowing that she isn't in pain any longer helps to lessen the saddness I feel.

The hardest thing though is knowing that Abbi won't ever get to do trips with her and my dad. She won't get to stay at grandma and grandpa's house for vacation...she won't get to know what it is like to have grandparents. Are there any surrogate grandparents out there?

It didn't help that all of us were sick with colds this weekend. Steve didn't really suffer too badly but Abbi and I were both pretty sick. Monday was the worst for me. I actually went to bed at 7:30pm Monday night and got lots of sleep. It was badly needed because Sunday night, Abbi was up basically the whole night.